WEALTHY BOURBON ENTHUSIAST CHANGES NAME OF “INCONSIDERATE HAND” THEORY. IN OTHER NEWS, THE GREAT GAZOO FINGERED AS THE “INTELLIGENT DESIGNER”

BOURBON ENTHUSIAST CLAIMS AUTHOR “MISQUOTED” INCONSIDERATE HAND THEORIST, SAYS HE TOLD AUTHOR “INDIVISIBLE HAND” WAS NAME OF THEORY.
AUTHOR CALLS B******T, THEN CALLS HIS LAWYER.

In the Author’s October 20th post entitled “Economic Theory of ‘Inconsiderate Hand’ Refutes Free Market Theory of Invisible Hand”, the Author scooped the mainstream media on this breakout story. But in a letter from the attorney for Milburn J. “Sonny” Drysdale III, the Author was “politely” informed that the title of the theory was the “Indivisible Hand”, not the “Inconsiderate Hand”[i].

In the letter, the Author was told to limit his interviews with Sonny Drysdale, the leading “Inconsiderate Hand” proponent, to the hours between 2 and 4 pm PDST, before the Author has switched from drinking Kentucky Stump Breaker bourbon to Makers Mark. But more importantly, the Author was told that the theory that an unidentified economic overlord surreptiously controls ostensibly free financial markets is the theory of the “Indivisible Hand”, not the theory of the “Inconsiderate Hand”.

Mr. Drysdale’s Attorney, J. Elgar Caskdrayner, told the Author that the term “Inconsiderate” Hand” was used in the first drafts of the book that Mr. Drysdale will publish on his economic theory. The term “Indivisible Hand” sounded better in front of focus groups, so the name of the theory was changed for sales and marketing reasons. Caskdrayner went on to describe the theory of the Indivisible Hand in terms not unlike those used by Intelligent Design proponents to shill for their creation.

Mainstream scientists, and all non-catatonic biologists, have blasted the so-called theory of “Intelligent Design” as biblical creationism shrouded in pseudo-scientific jargon. This Author has ridiculed intelligent design as “creationism with a K Street Lobbying Firm”. [ii] Intelligent Design claims that since the fossil record does not reveal on what day and time that placental mammals diverged from marsupials, an unnamed and indeterminable “intelligent designer” must have made the whole world up.

WHO OR WHAT IS THE "INTELLIGENT DESIGNER"?

Speculation on whom this “intelligent designer” is ranges from God, Allah, Krishna, Jehovah, assorted cult leaders yet-to-be-deified, and Thomas Twyford.[iii]

Speculation on the identity of the “economic overlord” in the recently “word-searched and replaced” Indivisible Hand theory manuscript tracks similar lines. Candidates range from the God of “Election” as described by John Wesley, “The Interminably Tardy Sky King of America the Theocracy” as described by Pat Robertson and Tom DeLay, to Thomas Twyford. Support for the title of “economic overlord(s)” is also building for five tweakers named Moe that meet in the basement of the New York Federal Reserve Bank and direct stock market rewards to 1.714699678% of investors and drain the accounts of the other poor schlubs.

Drysdale’s attorney, Caskdrayner, also told the Author that the theory’s re-spun title bears other analogies to “intelligent design”. Since the economic theory of the “Indivisible Hand” implies indivisibility, the theory cannot be broken down into its component elements. It cannot be tested or examined by economic analytical methods.

“The beauty of the theory of the Indivisible Hand,” said attorney Caskdrayner, ”is that it is unified and complete. Just the name ‘indivisible’ leads people to believe that this is the anointed answer and they need not look further. And if they are not getting the kind of financial returns they think they are entitled to, then they just need to get right with the economic overlord.’

“The theory is not capable of being tested, so no one can prove it wrong and confuse its followers. The identity of the economic overlord is incapable of being known, so there is no point in even questioning His identity,” continued Caskdrayner in his letter to the Author.

In a follow-up phone call, the Author shared his idea that the economic overlord could be Thomas Twyford or five tweakers named Moe. Caskdrayner, sounding apoplectic, called the Author a “commonist” heathen blasphemer and directed him to the website of www.PrayersforProfit/MessiahMutualFunds.org.

AUTHORS FOLLOWUP NOTE: The Author later called the Revealers Institute, the main support group for “intelligent design”. He spoke with the Director of Communications, “Chip” Wedgwood. The Author told Mr. Wedgwood that he believes that The Great Gazoo could be the intelligent designer. Mr. Wedgwood politely told that Author that The Great Gazoo was not the intelligent designer. When the Author stated that nobody, not even the Revealers Institute, could prove to the Author that The Great Gazoo was NOT the intelligent designer, Mr. Wedgwood gave the Author the phone number to another organization. The Author dialed the number, and to his surprise, the voicemail said it was the offices of “Prayers for Profit/Messiah Mutual Funds.org”.

THE DESERT OF THE REAL IS AN ALCOHOL-FREE ZONE!

[i] The concept of the “Inconsiderate Hand” was first addressed by Fluffbinder J. Windfall, heir to the Windfall whalebone empire. Windfall, one of the richest Americans at the turn of the 20th century and a bourbon enthusiast, ascribed his great wealth to “the lack of a Federal Estate and Graft Tax, no income tax on capital games, and the ‘Inconsiderate Hand’ of the Market”. “Economic Theory of “Inconsiderate Hand “ Refutes Free Market Theory of Invisible Hand”, October 20th, 2005, http://desertoftherealecononomicanalysis.blogspot.com
/2005_10_03_desertoftherealecononomicanalysis
_archive.html
[ii] Endnote 1, above.
[iii] In the Author’s opinion, the most credible candidate posited for the “Intelligent Designer” is the Great Gazoo. The Great Gazoo first appeared on Episode 145 of the Flintstones cartoon show on October 29, 1965. Gazoo is a likely candidate for the intelligent designer, more so than the Flying Spaghetti Monster or Mortie the Trilobite from Cambrian-o-Rama. Gazoo hails from the planet Zaitox.

Gazoo is smart, at least smarter than Fred or Barney. He has magical powers, or at least technological skills that sub-morons Fred and Barney confuse with magical powers. He is invisible to everyone but Fred and Barney and he only communicates with Fred and Barney

Gazoo also appears in the right era, the 6000 BC[E] Cuddly Cartoon Dinosaur Creationist-era, as presented by the creationist theme parks in Florida and Kentucky. This is the mythical “era” where Fred and Barney use pterodactyls to play stone records, woolly mammoths to water the lawn and wash cars, and where the Patriarchs play Dinosaur polo on the Plain of Abraham with the severed heads of the leaders of other nomadic, Bronze-Age, non-monotheistic desert tribes.