ECONOMIC THEORY OF “INCONSIDERATE HAND” REFUTES FREE MARKET THEORY OF THE INVISIBLE HAND!

"INCONSIDERATE HAND" THEORY PROVIDES THAT UNIDENTIFIED ECONOMIC OVERLORD CHANNELS PROFITS TO
GENETICALLY FAVORED, ADVERSELLY SELECTS LOSSES
FOR GENETIC FLOTSAM
“INCONSIDERATE HAND’ WILL MAKE GRAND UNIFIED THEORY LOOK
LIKE BUMPER STICKER SLOGAN, SAYS PROPONENT
ADAM SMITH TO BE ON NEXT MONTHS WIRED MAGAZINE’S EXPIRED LIST

President and CEO of Drysdale Emirates, Milburn J. “Sonny” Drysdale, III, took an extended leave from his family-owned company to promote his theory of the “Inconsiderate Hand”. The theory of the “Inconsiderate Hand” posits that an unidentified economic overlord surreptiously controls ostensibly free financial markets. This economic overlord, under the theory of the Inconsiderate Hand, selects rewards in favor of those whose genetic material is descended from wealthy ancestors. This same economic overlord heaps losses on individuals with lesser genomes.

Drysdale told this Author in an exclusive interview that with proper promotion and frequent appeals to the uninformed, the theory of the Inconsiderate Hand will gain equal time in the popular media and in congressional hearings. The theory of the Inconsiderate Hand, says Drysdale, will eventually render established economics uninteresting and therefore irrelevant.

Drysdale is not the first proponent of the theory of the Inconsiderate Hand. The first proponent of this doctrine was Fluffbinder J. Windfall, heir to his family's whalebone industrial empire of the 1890s. Windfall, a phrenologist, anthrophagist and bourbon enthusiast, reportedly attributed his great wealth to “the lack of a Federal Estate and Graft Tax, no income tax on capital games, and the Inconsiderate Hand of the Market”. The theory of the Inconsiderate Hand was soon forgotten in the Wall Street Crash of 1929 and the Great Depression that followed. But Drysdale, emboldened by personal revelation, is on a crusade to resurrect the Inconsiderate Hand theory.

Drysdale, a man of colorful phraseology and unwitting malapropisms, stated in his interview with the Author that the theory of the Inconsiderate Hand finally “devolved” in his mind when he heard about “Intelligent Design”. “Intelligent Design”, said Drysdale, is the more logical explanation of life’s diversity and should replace the theory of evolution. Since he cannot understand the rigorously documented theory of evolution, said Drysdale, Intelligent Design just sounded “more logical”.

CELLS RUN OUTBOARD MOTORS

“I was watching an infomercial on Pat Robertson’s CBN network one night. The infomercial was about Intelligent Design. It said that Intelligent Design had proved that tiny little cells flagellate themselves with little outboard motors. That was impressive”, said Drysdale, who like Windfall, is a bourbon enthusiast.

“Now look at those teeny weenie cells. Little cells like that don’t have brains, so how would they know about outboard motors unless God, uh, I mean, the Intelligent Designer, made them that way.”

Drysdale went on to say that the infomercial revealed that evolution could not explain how anything good could come from a gene mutilation or how an heiress could just suddenly be born from Prohibition-era Boston Catholic rumrunners and political grafters.

But the ultimate impetus behind Drysdale’s elucidation of the theory of the “Inconsiderate Hand” came when he read the Author’s well-researched post of October 3rd, 2005, “Intelligent Design’ is Creationism with its own K Street Lobbying Firm.” In that semenal post, the Author compared the process of evolution to the spontaneous and emergent actions of the free market. Renowned mathematician John Allen Paulos is quoted in the article as stating:

“What would you think of someone who studied economic entities and their interactions in a modern free market economy and insisted that they were, despite a perfectly reasonable and empirically supported account of their development, the consequence of some all-powerful, detail-obsessed economic law-giver? You might deem such a person a conspiracy theorist.”[i]

“I took offense at that,” said Drysdale, “Just because someone is good at math, and I cannot figure out how to do functions on an Excel Spreadsheet, doesn’t mean that he is smarter than me. When you are in nine figures, numbers don’t matter anymore.’

THE PROOF OF THE INCONSIDERATE HAND IS IN THE PROGENY

“We Drysdale’s come from an aristocratic family in England. Our oldest ancestor was the Duke of Drysdale on Farthingless Bottom Bend. My ancestors were among the first to plant tobacco in Virginia and were leaders in bullwhip technology.’

“Success is just part of our heritage. We always owned the land that the railroads were rerouted across. And we own nearly every inch of land at the bottom of water control projects created by the Federal government.’

Drysdale’s financial success is inarguable. But in response to a question about challenging the finest economic minds in the world with the Inconsiderate Hand theory and the concept of the unidentified economic overlord, Drysdale stated that his research into Intelligent Design had prepared him for this challenge from established economics.

“Right now there is a trial going on where Intelligent Design is being kept away from high school kids. A guy named Michael Boohoo (sic) is a scientist and is testifying for Intelligent Design.' [ii]

“The professor explained to the court that under his definition of a ‘theory’, a ‘scientific theory is a proposed explanation which points to fiscal data and logical interferences (sic)."[iii]

Under Behe’s analysis, Drysdale said, the Inconsiderate Hand and the economic overlord is a theory as strong as the claim that there are free and spontaneously developed markets.

“There you have it,” said Drysdale, “I propose that the Inconsiderate Hand and the economic overlord control markets. I have the data. Hell, I was born rich. Most everybody else out there isn’t. Who can argue with that? ‘

“And as far as logic, goes, I don’t know. I just know that two out of three ain’t bad.”


[i] Http://desertoftherealecononomicanalysis.blogspot.com/2005_10_03
_desertoftherealecononomicanalysis_archive.html
Link to Paulos Article: http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/WhosCounting/story?id=1077586&page=1
[ii] Author’s note: The witness is named Michael Behe and he is a professor of biology.
[iii] Author’s note: Behe said “physical data” and “logical interferences”.